L.

i am just so confused with everything..
i don't even know anymore

despite not necessarily being in a christmasy spirit this year, it was a good one nonetheless.

dinner with zach's family on xmas eve was nice. we did the usual silly jewish tradition - chinese restaurant. luckily we went to the one where there's a sushi bar so i could get that. his parents loved the batch of ice cream i made for them. seeing the amount his mom had in her bowl as we were leaving i wondered if i should've given them a double batch. it'll be gone by monday! they gave me a tome of a recipe book. the rodale whole foods cook book with over 1000 recipes in it, so i'm sure there will be lots of new things for dinner/snacks/ etc.. this coming year.

xmas day we got up at a reasonable time. it was nice having zach here. usually he stays at his parents and then comes over later so to wake up with him on xmas morning was quite a treat for me. we opened gifts and had a nice leisurely breakfast. he even played his new xbox game (borderlands) before we got dressed for seeing my family.

since this was my bro-in-law's xmas without his family he decided to make some british things for us to feel more like home. he made brandy butter, mince pies and "pudding". all the brits on my flist know what the pudding is, but it rather confused us because to americans "pudding" is more of a loose custard, but to brits it's something of a fruit cake - only with much more fruit and very little cake. we did the customary lighting fire to the brandy to pour over it. i have to say the mince pies were good, but i don't think we were very fond of the pudding at all and even the bro said he doesn't like it himself, but he made it just to feel more like home. my sister also bought crackers (again - not food crackers to us americans, but little cylindrical tubes of cardboard with toys inside that pop when pulled apart), which we forgot until the meal was almost over. so as we were finishing up, we snapped the crackers round the table and wore the funny little hats with musical notes on them and told the awful jokes that were inside. these were musical crackers so we each got a horribly out of tune plastic whistle that had its own note and made a rather dismal but hilarious version of jingle bells round the dinner table. i took a video of it using the flip. i'll set up a youtube account soon to upload the silliness.

zach is drowning in shirts and xbox points this year and i'm drowning in tea! zach got me tea and then my parents got me tea as well, so now i've a fully stocked cabinet again. i also got another tea cup and saucer from my parents and a little tea holder from my sister.

Last night we opened presents and my mom got a calendar from my sister with pictures of my nephew (her grandson)..and she raved and raved about it. I think I could've bought her a new car and she would have liked the calendar better because it was pictures of her grandson.
Now that's fine and dandy, but I feel like I didn't get her anything comparable to that. I mean I don't have kids nor do I have a husband to give her a grandchild. I'm pretty sure if I did have my own kid they wouldn't oogle and google over them like they do my sister's kids because my kids are not the first grandchildren. I'm afraid when I get to the point of having kids my sister will have popped out 3 and the thought of grandkids are old to my parents. I'm afraid that by the time I get around to fun things in my life, it will already be said and done and nobody will care. I only think this way because of how I see my sister's in laws treat their kids and grandkids. I know my parents don't think that way but a little part inside of me can't help but suggest the idea. I'm not sure how to take this, but it only emphasizes the fact once again that at 22 my sister was pregnant...and here I am, 22...and not even a prospective husband.

Ya I shouldn't compare my life to my sister's, but how do you not do that when you want all the same things that she's experiencing now?

what are your favorite personal blogs? websites? image archives? news sources? fashion blogs? etc.

while waiting on the first batch of ice cream to churn (i'm making three batches), i wanted to get down my thoughts on coco avant chanel.
( under cut for some spoilers, just in case you haven't seen it )

Check out this review of Four Squares at the Comics Journal, that is, if you like to read that sorta thing.

the finished cushion cover. it was quite an undertaking. it's a lot of work to put the rows of squares together. i know that i could've crocheted them together as i went along crocheting each square, but that leaves gaps in between the squares and i wanted them uniform since they would be stretched over a cushion. and they are stretched. i could've made the cover a bit bigger, but was stubborn and forced the cushion to fit.

i finished my crochet square cushion cover but haven't taken any photos yet because today was fairly craptacular.

z bought a flip hd he found on sale. as soon as i saw how good the quality was on it i immediately want one now. until i get my own he knows that i MUST borrow his.

i've a fat cat laying at my feet - on the crochet blanket of course. i may work on making her a little blanket soon. my hand has been hurting horribly, so i need to take a break. finished a bowl of blueberries and half a sleeve of saltines. time to finish watching coco avant chanel.

we dug out z's car yesterday. so many people trudging down the streets and digging cars out and cars sliding. the ruts in the road have frozen over now so the neighborhood is a skate rink for playing bumper cars now, which would leave many people angry, but that's how it goes.

( more )

total amounts of snow were roughly 21-23 inches. we've got drifts on the deck now. now the excavating begins with the sounds of shovels on sidewalks and people using brooms to whisk off the snow blankets from cars. surprisingly, it's somewhat sunny today.

he's home safely. i can relax now.
he said he'd still be out driving if he could, but everywhere he went he was behind people who were stuck. he was having more fun in his car out there than most. yay for front wheel drive and superior snow tires he bought for the car.


foot of snow on the deck. we can't open the back deck door any further open than that.


our street.


neighbor's stoop lamp.


that slight hump on the right is a flower bed. the snow now comes up to the bay window.


window in the living room.

i've been stressed all day because of z being at work. i know he's a good driver and his car can handle this weather ten times better than 90% of the other cars people drive in this city, which is why i was worried about the OTHER drivers for his sake. but now he's home, in his pj bottoms and we can relax. sleep in tomorrow and bake cookies and watch the snow.

nothing like a steaming hot cup of lapsang souchong on a snowy morning. snow count = 5 inches at least and increasing. a foot is expected today alone. then there's the worst of the storm tonight and a little more tomorrow. people in virginia/maryland area got pounded yesterday! i'm getting anxious about when work will let z leave because i really hope he doesn't have to drive in this after the daylight is gone. the wind has been gusting quite a bit and keeps getting stronger each hour. luckily he's staying here tonight instead of driving all the way to the 'burbs. tomorrow we'll make another batch of xmas cookies :)

i trudged through the snow earlier in search of flour. after searching a couple shops down at the corner i found it and will now make home made cinnamon rolls for breakfast tomorrow.

i can't stop laughing at this star wars forecast link z put up on twitter. philly very well may look like that by monday. apparently we're expecting some severe snow dumping from the sky this weekend.

i dragged nearly 50 lbs of laundry out today to be washed. my back hates me. while at the laundromat a woman was cleaning something like 20 blankets. lots of them were little throw blankets or extra bed blankets. woven ones, crocheted, knitted, etc... all in lovely colors. it got me thinking about the blanket i made and knowing i can't easily throw it in the washing machine because it is 100% wool, which should be hand washed and laid flat to dry, or better yet - dry cleaned. and then i wondered whether or not i'm being too picky about the materials i use to crochet with. i made an afghan from acrylic yarn last year and hated the touch of it, but it is very soft. i know that acrylic yarns can be easily washed and even blends are better made so the acrylic doesn't feel so... fake, for lack of a better term. i'm frustrated by seeing acrylic yarns listed as "natural" in craft stores because HELLO - it's a SYNTHETIC! it may be vegan friendly, but natural? i've always felt that real materials like solid cotton, wool, alpaca, etc... are so much nicer. but now i'm wondering if i'm being too much of a snob about it. yes there are decent acrylic blends out there, but there's something so satisfying about using real natural material. am i being too picky about this? yet the acrylics and blends are cheaper, softer, easier to clean. anyone have thoughts on this?

i think i'm done with the xmas shopping. i was up and running all manner of errands yesterday. to "relax" i came home and wrapped gifts. though i still have to make presents for my sister and her husband, my parents, and z's family. i'm making them all batches of ice cream for presents because i'm so low on funds for buying proper things this year. though the home made afghan i made for my parents last year was quite a hit so i'm sure they'll be just as fine with the ice cream. i know my sis and her hub will like it and i'm 1000% certain it will be a hit with z's family.

z is now in that goofy state where he constantly threatens to shake his stocking and his presents under the tree. he doesn't do it so much as to figure out what he's got, but rather just to hear me yell at him. he's constantly do it until i've glared at him or snapped at him.



i took more xmasy photos last night, though many are blurry, but i kinda think they work better that way.
( more bokeh this way )

i'm shirking off chores again today. despite the laundry. despite the grocery shopping. i'm going to the 'burbs to hang out with friends for Food Night because it's been way too long since i've been. there's always tomorrow for chores.

(Ask me something, if you please.)

rolling a blunt, ©josh dutra. (my neighbor!)

my mind is clear more often than not. what excitement! a little less than a month and a half, i'm gonna have a home. filled with artists and great people, a good support system finally. whatever happens is good, even the bad. because im retaining more and im able to control my anxiety, i can pick me up and understand reality [thats the hardest thing]. at the end of my nights i catch myself, and my cheeks hurt from smiling.

recommend a beautiful movie